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It
is important that our children behave appropriately as
there would be occasions that just demand it. Children
usually catch behaviour patterns from role models like
parents or teachers. Though we get angry with them for
their misbehaviour but we also need to show them love
for their own personal development. Moreover, we must
always remember that mischief is part of a child’s
growth process.
Have
Family Rules
Formulate
family rules to live by and it should apply to all
including the parents. The rules must be firm, fair and
clear. These rules must be adhered to at all times
(unless it is an emergency situation). Discipline must
be meted out when the rules are flouted. The rules must
be worded in the positive rather that in the negative.
E.G. Do not use “Don’t yell” but “speak
softly”
Manage
Your Anger
Even
we be would be raging inside about our child’s
misbehaviour, we need to control our self and speak to
our child in a calm but firm voice. Otherwise, our
child would also learn to yell like us (an undesired
behaviour). As it is hard not to lash out at a gross
misbehaviour, so we need to walk away from the
situation, take a deep breath and count one to ten to
cool off then return to deal with it.
Consistency
in Disciplining
Children
learn to behave appropriately when the parents are
consistent in their disciplining. This means that we
cannot be going soft one day on their misbehaviour and
then be very harsh on another. This would send mixed
signals to the child as to what is actually acceptable
and what is not. Parental disagreements should not be
done in the presence of the children but in private.
Otherwise, it would confuse them further.
Verbal
Warnings Must be followed by Punishment
Verbal
warnings must be followed by punishment; otherwise it
would not carry any weight. Instead it would unwittingly
encourage them to repeat their misbehaviour. However, we
need to choose method of punishment to match the
misconduct. Start initially with the withdrawal of
privileges like no watching of TV, no using of computer,
reduced pocket money or use the time-out i.e. to place
him/her in a safe room for 5-10 minutes. Physical
punishment should only be used as the last resort.
Misbehaviour
outside Home
When
the child misbehaves outside home, take him/her aside to
a quieter place. Sit the child down and talk about the
misbehaviour. If there is cooperation then continue to
do what you have set out to do, otherwise head straight
for home and impose a time-out with him/her.
Written
by Dr Spencer Lee
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